Kinky Sex Increases Intimacy In Couples
Contrary to popular belief, intimacy is not just sex. Intimacy is often touted as being rooted deep within human behaviour and as a deep and necessary biological need. Intimacy is something that everyone needs and it begins from being a small child and a child understanding that their parents love them, support them and have an emotional bond to them.
However, what is intimacy as you grow older? It’s often something that is misunderstood with the idea of intimacy often becoming synonymous with sexual activity. However, intimacy and sexual activity are two separate things. Intimacy is complex, it’s about being emotionally close to someone and about the ability to let ones guard down, to be vulnerable and to have the ability to let them know how you truly feel about them. Intimacy is the ability to accept and share your partner’s feelings and about being there for your partner when they need it. Communicating with your partner about your desires and feelings is a form of intimacy. The adventure in the bedroom that happens afterwards is also a form of intimacy. Intimacy is much more than just sex. Consider the idea of getting older, sexual function as you age becomes more difficult, particularly in men, and sexual activity may not be possible anymore, or at least not in the engagement that you had when you were 21.
In this vein, intimacy comes out. The ability to be emotionally available for your partner, holding hands, communicating, and physical touch all become forms of intimacy. When it comes to BDSM activities, some of the activities might involve a sense of physical danger and risk. It is therefore essential that communication and trust exists between a couple – both of which contribute to the sense of intimacy that they feel for each other and ultimately improve the relationship between the two consenting individuals.
Kink Play Encourages Fidelity
Maintaining a healthy BDSM relationship isn’t easy. There’s constant communication, checking back in with each other as you navigate your sexual interests, there’s after care, preparation needed and a host of other things. A Kinky relationship, or one that engages in kinky sex is stronger for a variety of reasons not the least of which include the increased sense of intimacy and the levels of communication. Even a simple discussion about how to bring a vibrator into the relationship can open up the relationship and bring intimacy, honesty and openness. For this reason, and the idea that the individuals are close, having a kinky relationship encourages fidelity. That’s even inclusive of the idea of open relationships and polyamorous relationships.
Now I understand that it’s difficult for me to state that kink encourages fidelity whilst making the suggestion of open and poly relationships. However, I would point out that infidelity is considered to being unfaithful to a spouse or partner – cheating on them without their knowledge. Open and Poly relationships in kink is quite common. There is an increased level of trust and communication between two primary individuals and they might recognise that their partner’s sexual needs and desires are outside of their own limitations. As such, they might open up the relationship, or engage in polyamory to ensure that their partner’s needs are being met. Such relationships involve an a high level of energy, emotional space and trust that originates from both sexual partners allowing them to function in this way – which in turn encourages fidelity and faithfulness.
Kink Sex Improves Mental Health
For a considerable amount of time there have been assumptions made towards the people that engage in kink practices. Indeed, it was only recently that some practices of BDSM were taken off the mental disorders list or modified to include that the idea of a sexual interest in a particular activity with a consenting adult was not representative of a particular mental disorder. Assumptions have been made in regards to practices of BDSM and the correlation between violence and abuse and rape – however such correlations are slowly dissipating as people realise the complexity of BDSM and that the notion of consent is paramount to kink relationships. This is why Fifty Shades of Grey had such a strong backlash from the kink community because it depicted an abusive relationship that was devoid of consent and not representative of a kinky relationship at all.
Kink actually improves mental health and this was published in the journal of sexual medicine which found that people who identified as practicing BDSM and kink activities would generally score better on particular mental health indicators than people who did not practice kink sex and were involved in more traditional sexual activities. Kink practitioners were found to be less neurotic, more open and mindful, more secure and grounded within their relationships and had a better sense of well-being. In part this comes from the increased level of intimacy, openness and communication that kinky players have with their partners. The discussion and communications that they have help them understand their partner in profound and interesting ways. If for example one partner is into the idea of being restrained – then you could use our article on the definition of BDSM to work out that what they’re really looking for is the idea of submission and having their sense of power taken away. Through understanding this, it gives a profound insight into your partners mind. You can then think; my partner likes the idea of having his sexual power taken away and for me to take charge in the bedroom. He enjoys it when I talk dirty to him, when I tell him all the naughty things that I plan to do with him whilst he is tied up. He is there to pleasure me and I know he enjoys it when I do that. As opposed to – he likes it when I give oral sex.
Bondage Play Reduces Psychological Stress
Life is stressful. There’s no denying that. There’s financial pressures, there’s the pressures of work, and there are societal pressures as you wonder if you’re using your life to the best of your ability and whether you’re achieving your goals. If you have a family then there’s added pressure on to that, if you’re single then there’s pressure with that as well. It seems that no matter what you do, how you do it then there’s going to be considerable stresses in your life on a constant basis.
How do you reduce that stress? Most people use some form of escapism, a way of escaping the pressures of life through the seeking of entertainment and the engagement of fantasy. For some, that escapism is the indulging of sexual fantasies. It is well documented that people that live in dominant lives where they are in control often like to be submissive in sexual activities as a form of balance for their day to day life and stressors.
Indeed, in a 2009 study led by BJ Sagarin and titled Hormonal changes and couple bonding in consensual sadomasochistic activity discovered that submissive and dominant individuals would routinely have lower cortisol levels after their engagement of kink and bondage activities. The paper concluded by attributing the nature of BDSM is responsible for lowering stress levels in participants.
BDSM Reduces Anxiety In People
Interestingly, many people get anxious about BDSM activities. They might feel overwhelmed by the idea and fail to understand the concept about letting go. They might attribute the experiencing of giving or receiving pain as a stressful activity. The reality is however, that the sexual enjoyment of receiving or giving pain will actually reduce feelings of anxiety. A study that was presented to the Society for Personality in Austin, Texas discovered that the brain enters an altered state of consciousness when engaging in BDSM activities – this change has since been widely documented and is often described as a ‘runners high’ or yoga state of mind. The report commented on the sensation felt through a lack of blood flow to the prefrontal and limbic pain regions quickly reducing feelings of anxiety and producing a high of tranquillity.
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