If you haven’t heard of 50 Shades of Grey, I would seriously question where you’ve been for the past few years. 50 Shades of Grey was immensely popular – that the total number of copies in print exceeded 2.1 million copies. Having been translated in 52 languages across the globe, it has broken numerous records for the amount sold, and the speed with which they were sold. Love it or loathe it – there’s no denying the effect that the series had an effect on the engagement of BDSM within sexual relationships, whether that be through the engagement of BDSM or simply role playing through some BDSM ideas.
the effects of the ‘mommy porn’ book had sweeping effects across the globes as adult product sales sky rocketed. Some adult websites experienced a 45% surge in visitors, and the sales of bondage related items sky rocketed with reports indicating that they experienced up to an 80% increase in sales. Some stores, including Adult Lifestyle Centres struggled to keep up with demand routinely selling out in handcuffs, Kegel balls and other products from the Fifty Shades of Grey series as suppliers across the globe also struggled with the demand.
It’s therefore not an industry secret that the trilogy sparked a global curiosity in terms of BDSM. Kinky sex, as we discussed in previous articles as we explored the definition of BDSM is often something that is defined by what it is not, as opposed to what it actually is and there are a number of misconceptions and untruths about followers of BDSM lifestyles. Truth be told, there’s grounded scientific research which suggests that BDSM and kinky sex is not just a portal into sexual exploration and experimentation which navigates away from the traditional ‘vanilla’ sexual lifestyle, but that BDSM is something which also leads to numerous physical and mental health benefits.
Backing this claim has been a widely cited academic article published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and written by Andreas Wismeijer and Marcel van Assen from Tilburg University. We will explore the science of practicing BDSM, but this article will explore six benefits of the BDSM lifestyle and the engagement of kinky sex that have been cited within the article, and beyond.
BDSM And Improving Communication Within Relationships
Communication in relationships can be difficult. Humans, by nature are prone not to discuss intimacy and sex even with their spouses. We aren’t just talking about talking kinky to your partner, this is serious and sincere communication. Though we do note that we cover kinky talking later on. The discussion of sex is often eschewed in favour of more meaningless conversations as we are generally brought up to consider the idea of sex being a private act. The unwillingness to talk about sex during formal education, and during growing up often means that when it comes to thinking about the discussion of sex, feelings of embarrassment, shame and inadequacy are often brought up. It’s an interesting paradox when we, in today’s age, are continually surrounded by the idea of sex in our culture, from being represented in magazines and TV, advertising fashion and music. The failure to discuss sex openly with others often means that we do not have access to basic information regarding sex and sexual health. This silence keeps us blissfully ignorant and unaware and it is for this reason why it is so strongly argued that we need to improve sex positive attitudes and education about sex during formative years.
Kinky sex is primarily about two main things; negotiation and consent. In order to negotiate and navigate through consent, a couple needs to have an open and honest communication. For that reason, couples and individuals who practice BDSM and kinky sex tend to be in a far better position than non-kinky couples when it comes to the art of communication. Kinky couples discuss their feelings, their desires in an open fashion which then leads to improved communication between the two. If you can open up about what turns you on, your inner most desires and fantasies then do you truly have any other secrets that you hold back?
Communication is an important part of kink and BDSM related activities. Couples need to discuss their fantasies with their sexual partner, they need to then negotiate about what each can do for the other. They will discuss what turns them on, their likes and dislikes and what they’re willing to do. This discussion forms the negotiation. You don’t just walk into the bedroom one day and your partner is sitting there with a ball gag and a whip and they say – I want to be whipped. There needs to be the discussion of the practicality of the scenario, how hard do you want to be whipped, do you want me to talk dirty while I do it, can I pull your hair, am I allowed to be rough and controlling? Even if these questions are not asked before play, they’re quickly realised and articulated between the partners through discussions during or after sex. Couples that practice BDSM might have a debriefing discussion after the play session where they will discuss what they liked, what turned them on, and if there was anything that made them feel uncomfortable. This negotiation causes a refinement of the sexual activity so that the next time that it is used that it is done more effectively and remains in tune with each other’s sexual desires and limitations. Or, it might be realised that this type of play is not for them, and that they will learn from the experience and try something different. In this regard, BDSM couples are not just having a single discussion, they’re having multiple discussions about a particular activity until it is refined to the most ideal level that suits all involved.
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