Consent Differentiates BDSM From Abuse
Consent is the cornerstone of all BDSM activity, and it’s one of the major factors that differentiates it from sexual abuse.
Put simply, BDSM is consensual. Abuse is not.
Before each BDSM “scene," participants express and negotiate their likes, desires, and limits. This means that all involved in the agreed-upon sex act set specific goals determining what they want to get out of the session—both emotionally and physically.
They also discuss what are referred to as “hard and soft limits.” Hard limits are the things you would never engage in, while soft limits are things you might experiment with if and when the time feels right. Playing with the boundaries of soft limits requires deeper negotiation prior to beginning a session.
Pre-scene negotiation can take many forms. Sometimes participants write out a contract detailing what is specifically allowed and forbidden. Others use a simple checklist of activities. They then discuss each item individually, indicating which is a desire or a limit. Others simply have an in-depth conversation about their boundaries.
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